Previous magazine articles 
Event of the Month
The Grand Tour
16 – 20 July 2006
London – Monte-Carlo
Entrants: Alex & Cameron Buchanan
Team Number: 18
Car: Caterham 7
Final Placing: 13th out of 22 (Still finding it incredible we got placed at all)
We should have realised it was going to be a challenge from the outset. Without exception, everyone else in the 26-car group was starting from London, or at the very least, England. My father & I, on the other hand, had to drive down there first, in our home-made, exceptionally small, slightly rattly Caterham 7 that we built together last year. Aside from the streaming eyes, ringing ears and running noses from the constant buffeting on the M1, the journey proved very comfortable, although both of us accused each other of shouting too loudly in an effort to hear what the other was saying.
The first morning at the meeting point was a revelation, if not a particularly welcome one. Absolutely no-one else had turned up in a car like the Caterham, presumably because they all had previous experience of the GT and knew that to attempt it in anything other than an air-conditioned luxo-barge was tantamount to suicide.
There was a real playboy mix of exotic marques, from modern Mercedes, Porches, Jaguars and Ferraris, to classic Astons, Alfas, Austin-Healeys and, er, our Caterham.
Setting off from the Start line at the Royal Hospital Chelsea, heading for Dover, it was clear we were never going to be first in this event. The initial sheet of questions were so deeply baffling we had one common answer for all of them, despite the help of my aunt who was glued to the internet on our behalf: "Next…"
And as we passed the second ailing automotive victim of heat stress, this time a demo model XK provided by one of the event's biggest sponsors, Jaguar, I smiled at my dad, safe in the knowledge that we wouldn't be the last to finish this tour either.
Arriving in France, having already left a wheezing Ferrari as it sputtered to a halt at the ferry's off-ramp, I remember thinking how fortunate we were to have made it this far; back at home we'd had cheers of "Good Luck!", and "Drive safely!" from well-wishers as we set off from Edinburgh, but as we turned the first corner I distinctly remember hearing the crowd (of three) murmur "They'll be lucky to make it to the border in that".
The next four days were spent "navigating" around the French countryside, blasting down B-roads and stopping occasionally to "solve" the clues as they appeared on our sheet. These clues ranged from the cryptic and amusing to the irreverent and infuriating, and most of them, if I have to admit it, we cribbed off fellow competitors. There was the odd one or two we attempted to solve ourselves, with fairly mixed results, but most of the time we were just so desperate to get moving again (airflow, see) that we swiftly gave up and moved on.
Sadly though, "moving" wasn't exactly our strongest skill either. As one of the tour's organisers succinctly pointed out, our examination of the complex, daily lists of directions aimed at guiding us from A-B, didn't amount so much to 'navigating,' in the traditional sense, as, well, "reading". He had a point.
Even so, having erroneously led a team of 12 foolhardy followers up a single-track mountain pass, with no prospect whatsoever of turning around, my co-driver was henceforth christened 'Blunkett' on account of his substandard "reading" efforts - a name which remained with him for the duration of the tour. (Actually it remains with him to this day). It was like the blind leading the blond.
Eventually, after some 1,600 miles of twisting, occasionally treacherous but ultimately very beautiful French countryside, we arrived exhausted, ecstatic (and looking like a couple of well-cooked lobsters in a pot) in Monte-Carlo.
All in all it had been terrific fun and a hugely worthwhile experience. Aside from meeting our co-competitors and seeing some of the most awesome sights on the way, perhaps the most important legacy of the tour was how much money had been raised. With the help of our sponsors, both private and corporate, Team Buchanan (The B-Team, in other words) raised a scratch over £5,000 for Macmillan Cancer Fund; exactly double our initial target.
The organiser even told us we were only the 2nd Caterham ever to complete the tour in the 22 years it's been running. On the one hand I like to consider that a bold achievement, one that proves we are men of substance, stamina and strength, but on the other, I realise it's probably just because no other idiot has ever attempted such a journey in a glorified go-kart.
On behalf of Macmillan, the Grand Tour and good ol' Blunkett himself, we would just like to extend our sincere thanks to the companies and individuals who so generously supported us on our trip. The car stickers attracted a lot of attention from onlookers all over France and Britain, and not just because they were being moved around by a couple of wilting crustaceans.
Oh, and you'll be pleased to hear that the stickers are still on the car, in fact, and will remain on it until we put it to bed for the winter. So if you should see it flying around the Scottish roads in the next few months, you'll know what to think:
"Oh look, there go the B-Team. I'd better not ask them the way."
See the teams leaving Royal Hospital Chelsea in 16 July: Go to www.channel4.com (Enter London Monte Carlo in search box)
For more information on the Grand Tour 2007, contact Chris Bucknall, on 01460 242299
This article has been edited from its original version. For the complete feature please see Catering in Scotland magazine September/October 2006.
To join our database, go to Media Pack on this website and click on Subscribe.
